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"Rusty, (You) Can't Be Serious" is a short scene that leads into the song that introduces the coaches.

Context

In the original 1984 London production, this scene showed us a short conversation between Pearl and Rusty and the other coaches. It established that, "ages ago", Pearl had tentatively agreed to race with Rusty. But Pearl needs to see more from her partner, leading into the song "A Lotta Locomotion"

The Broadway production removed both Rusty and Pearl from the situation. This left Dinah, Ashley and Buffy asserting that Pearl should tell Rusty "no", and reflecting on what they need from an engine.

The German production introduced what became the standard introduction for many years, where Rusty has left the stage, and Pearl is doubting her commitment to race with him. This version does not specify whether Pearl had committed to racing with Rusty, or whether she was considering it. This version was first used in English for the 1989 US Tour.

The 2003 US tour did not include this short scene, instead running from the paraphrased "Call Me Rusty" directly into "Whole Lotta Locomotion".

The UK tours have this scene running into Whole Lotta Locomotion, using the version used in later London and in Germany.

The scene was largely rewritten for the 2017 workshop and, subsequently adapted for the 2018 revisions in Bochum.

Lyrics

The coaches take it in turns to finish each sentence, in the order Ashley/Buffy/Dinah, for example:

ASHLEY: Rusty
BUFFY: Can't
DINAH: Be serious.

Original London Lyrics

The original version contains a significant plot point, that Pearl had already committed to racing with Rusty, but now was having doubts.

ASHLEY - BUFFY - DINAH: Rusty / you can't / be serious
You / go in / for the race?
ASHLEY: You gotta be strong
RUSTY: I am strong-
BUFFY: Not for long
DINAH: You gotta have speed
RUSTY: I have-
PEARL: No you'll need it
A mixture of strength,
Of power and length
If you're gonna have pull where it counts
RUSTY: But Pearl you said you'd go with me
PEARL: That was ages ago!
I have to feel more
COACHES: We have to feel more
We need to be certain
We need to be sure
PEARL: I have to feel more
COACHES: We have to feel more
We need to be certain
We need to be sure

Broadway Lyrics

The Broadway production had Pearl leave with Rusty at the end of "Call Me Rusty", consequently "A Lotta Locomotion" was sung between Dinah, Buffy and Ashley.

ASHLEY - BUFFY - DINAH: Rusty? / He can't / be serious.
Him / go in / for the race?
ASHLEY: You gotta be strong
BUFFY: Rusty's strong
DINAH: Not for long
ASHLEY: You gotta have speed
BUFFY: Which he don't
DINAH: What you need is
A mixture of strength,
Of power and length
If you're gonna have pull where it counts
ASHLEY: Pearl's a fool to go with him
BUFFY: She should tell him no!
DINAH: There's gotta be more
COACHES: You gotta feel more
You gotta be certain
You gotta be sure
There's gotta be more
You gotta feel more
You gotta be certain
You gotta be sure

German Lyrics

The German arrangement, featuring all four coaches but without Rusty, became the standard used in most following productions.

ASHLEY - BUFFY - DINAH: Pearl / das kann / nicht wahr sein!
Er / macht mit, / ist dabei?
ASHLEY: Man braucht sehr viel Kraft.
BUFFY: Hat er Kraft?
PEARL: Genug.
ASHLEY: Man braucht sehr viel Mut.
BUFFY: Hat er nicht!
DINAH: Wenn er's tut, wenn
Er glaub er sei' gut,
Dann braucht er viel Mut,
Sonst versagt er beim Rennen sofort!
ASHLEY: Pearl, wie kannst du mit ihm geh'n?
PEARL: Was soll ich denn tun?
DINAH: Man braucht so viel mehr!
ASHLEY: Du brauchst so viel mehr!
COACHES: Bist du dir ganz sicher?
Du brauchst so viel mehr!
PEARL: Ich brauche viel mehr?
COACHES: Wir brauchen viel mehr!
Wir sind uns ganz sicher,
Wir brauchen viel mehr!

1st US Tour Lyrics

The most common version, used in the later London show as well as recent UK Tours.

ASHLEY - BUFFY - DINAH: Rusty / can't / be serious
Him / go in / for the race?
ASHLEY: You gotta be strong
PEARL: Rusty's Strong
DINAH: Not for long
ASHLEY: You gotta have speed
BUFFY: Which he don't
DINAH: What you need is
A mixture of strength,
Of power and length
If you're gonna have pull where it counts
ASHLEY: You're a fool to go with him
PEARL: Should I tell him no?
I have to feel more
COACHES: We have to feel more
We need to be certain
We need to be sure
PEARL: I have to feel more
COACHES: We have to feel more
We need to be certain
We need to be sure

Las Vegas Lyrics

The Las Vegas production made a lot of cuts and trimmed down the show to the minimum. This included reducing this scene to four lines, split between the coaches.

ASHLEY: Hey listen to the one man band
PEARL: Rusty, you don't understand!
DINAH: You'll be nowhere, you'll be last
BUFFY: You ain't going nowhere fast

2017 London Workshop Lyrics

CONTROL: Control! Control!
Listen up.
Rusty, go and get the coaches
From the marshalling yard.
Now!
COACHES: Rusty / cannot / be serious
Him / go in / for the race?
DINAH: You gotta be strong
PEARL: Rusty's strong
(Coach): Not for long!
Tassita: You gotta have speed
Belle: Which he don't
What you need is
A mixture of strength,
Of power and length
If you're gonna have pull where it counts
Tassita: You're a fool to go with him
PEARL: Should I tell him no?
(music shift to "Greaseball, excuse me a minute")
GREASEBALL: So who are you? You're brand new
PEARL: I'm a first-class car.
GREASEBALL: Well woo hoo hoo!
Where have you been hiding?
PEARL: In the siding,
Now riding on the mainline train line,
But not with you
GREASEBALL: Well woo hoo hoo!
DINAH: That's Pearl
She's a brand new girl
And if you mess with her
You're messing with me
GREASEBALL: Dinah, get back in the kitchen.
DINAH: Incapable of feeding yourself, Greaseball?
NATIONALS: Dining car, go and make the tea.
BELLE: Hey don't talk like that.
ESPRESSO: Hey listen to the sleeper
Are you her keeper?
TURNOV: A sleeper's not a keeper
She's a one-night blind date
GREASEBALL: Blind date's are never great
TASSITA: Ssh!
RHINEGOLD: What's that noise?
BELLE: She's the quiet coach
Keep your noise down, boys
TASSITA: Ssh!
Take a walk with the talk
I'm so quiet
COCO: Does she think she's Bjork?
DINAH: If you mess with her
You're messing with me
NATIONALS: Quit whining, dining car
Go and make the tea
We're leaders of the pack
You bring up the rear
GREASEBALL: Without us, you ain't going nowhere.

2018 German Lyrics + Translation

CONTROL: (German) Hier ist Control, alle her hören! CONTROL: (English) Here is Control, listen up!
Ich hab einen neuen Wagen gekauft. I bought a new car.
Hat mich drei Wochen Taschengeld gekostet Cost me three weeks pocket money
Also behandelt sie gefälligst mit Respekt! So please treat her with respect!
Sie heisst Pearl! She's called Pearl!
PEARL: Nicht stossen, hör auf! PEARL: Don't push, stop!
GREASEBALL: Was ist denn das? GREASEBALL: What's that?
Ein Wagen der sich wehrt? A car that fights back?
COCO: Wie frech! COCO: How cheeky!
DINAH: Hey, lass sie in Ruhe! DINAH: Hey, leave her alone!
COCO: Haltet ihr euch daraus! COCO: Keep out of this!
DINAH: Hört auf! DINAH: Stop it!
RUSTY: Hey! Fass sie nicht an! RUSTY: Hey! Don't touch her!
GREASEBALL: Liebend gern, GREASEBALL: I'd love to,
Aber dann kommt sie nicht mehr voran! But then she won't get anywhere!
RUSTY: Ich schaff auch einen mehr! RUSTY: I can do one more!
GREASEBALL: Umso besser, ich geb sie dir her! GREASEBALL: All the better, I'll give her to you!
PEARL: Ich bin Pearl PEARL: I am Pearl
RUSTY: Ich bin Rusty RUSTY: I am Rusty
PEARL & RUSTY: Hi. PEARL & RUSTY: Hi.
RUSTY: Das ist Dinah, der Speisewagen RUSTY: That's Dinah, the dining car
DINAH: Hi! DINAH: Hi!
BELLE: Aber eins lass dir sagen, wenn du willst, BELLE: But let me tell you one thing, if you want
Dass wir uns hier auch vertragen: That we get along here too:
Spiel nicht den Star hier sonst tut dir das leid! Don't play the star here or you'll be sorry!
PEARL: Hey, ich weiss gar nicht mal, wer ihr seid? PEARL: Hey, I don't even know who you are?
CARRIE: Ich bin Carrie, der Gepäckwagen CARRIE: I'm Carrie, the luggage car
BELLE: Ich bin Belle, der Barwagen, BELLE: I'm Belle, the bar car,
Und wir haben das Sagen hier! And we're in charge here!
BELLE & CARRIE: Halt dich daran, und wir halten zu dir! BELLE & CARRIE: Keep to it, and we'll stand by you!
COCO: Genug gequatscht, hängt euch hinten dran! COCO: Enough chatter, get in the back!
DINAH: Wir reden mit Pearl, also treib uns nicht an! DINAH: We're talking to Pearl, so don't push us!
Pearl, keine Angst, ich beschütze dich. Pearl, don't worry, I'll protect you.
Mit mir respektieren die Züge dich With me the trains respect you.
GREASEBALL: Ach ja, wirklich? Das will ich sehn! GREASEBALL: Oh yeah, really? I want to see that!
Wenn ich sag „fahr los“, dann fährt sie schön When I say "drive", then she drives beautifully
COCO: Wenn ich sag: 'fahr zurück', gehorcht sie brav! COCO: When I say "go back", she obeys obediently!
GREASEBALL: Die Regeln kennt sie schon bald im Schlaf! GREASEBALL: She'll soon know the rules in her sleep!
DINAH: Greaseball, lass das! DINAH: Greaseball, stop it!
GREASEBALL: Ach, klappe, Dinah! GREASEBALL: Ah, shut up, Dinah!
DINAH: Nein, ganz bestimmt nicht! DINAH: No, definitely not!
Sie ist neu hier und verdient von euch Respekt! She is new here and deserves respect from you!
COCO: Ich glaub, du hast einen Defekt. COCO: I think you have a defect.
DINAH: Also bring sie bitte hier, häng sie an uns dran. DINAH: So bring them here, please, hang them on us.
COCO: Sag mal, was soll das? COCO: Say, what are you doing?
BELLE: Jetzt stellt euch nicht an! BELLE: Don't make a fuss!
Es ist nicht mehr wie in den alten Tagen It's not like the old days
Die Wagen haben jetzt das Sagen! The cars are in charge now!
GREASEBALL: Ohne uns, macht ihr keinen Schritt! GREASEBALL: Without us, you don't make a move!
BELLE: Ohne uns, fährt bei euch keiner mitmit! BELLE: Without us, no one rides with you!
CARRIE: Und mich CARRIE: And me
DINAH: Und mich und entspannen sich. DINAH: And me and relax.
GREASEBALL: Ohne uns seid ihr nur- GREASEBALL: Without us you're just-
DINAH: Die Wagen haben das Sagen. DINAH: The cars are in charge.
GREASEBALL & COCO: Ohne uns seid ihr nur- GREASEBALL & COCO: Without us you're just-
CARRIE: Die Wagen haben das Sagen! CARRIE: The cars are in charge!
GREASEBALL & GANG: Ohne uns seid ihr nur- GREASEBALL & GANG: Without us you're just-
DINAH, BELLE, CARRIE: Die Wagen haben das Sagen! DINAH, BELLE, CARRIE: The cars are in charge!
DINAH: Hey, ist das klar? DINAH: Hey, is that clear?
GREASEBALL: Ist... klar. GREASEBALL: It's... clear.
PEARL: Wow, wie cool ihr seid! PEARL: Wow, how cool you are!
DINAH: Er ist zwar mein Freund, aber das geht zu weit DINAH: He may be my boyfriend, but this has gone too far
Was die Kerle da machen, ist doch keine Kunst! What those guys are doing is no art!
BELLE: Wir sind nicht fur die Loks da! BELLE: We're not here for the locomotives!
CARRIE: Sondern die fur uns. CARRIE: But they are for us.

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